Exercising vs. Aging

I’m beginning to wonder if exercise and healthy eating is really all it’s cracked up to be. No, not because of the recent Italian footballer and Norwegian swimmer in their 20s who died of a heart attack, although one could use them to argue too much exercise will kill you. No, my pondering is based on what I see in the mirror. I’m looking at my body and I’m seeing changes that seem to come despite my best efforts to ward them off.

The muscles in my face look looser. The weight gain seems to just show up. This morning I woke up and one of my feet hurt like I had done strenuous exercise the day before. I hadn’t. A knee injury I got in my 20s from doing step-aerobics 5 times a week is reminding me of its presence. Heck, I think I’ve even developed “Grandma Boobs.” What you ask are “Grandma Boobs”? When I was younger I noticed that older women/grandmas always had a cleavage and fuller breasts. There was a time when I could only achieve this effect with a push-up bra from Victoria’s Secret. Not anymore.

As a woman in my 40s from a family with thyroid problems I could blame it on a host of things. I haven’t been exercising regularly. Muscle loss means weight gain. Perimenopausal symptoms. Low functioning thyroid. But guess what…all the things I’ve just mentioned are things that happen naturally to woman once she turns 40. In other words, I’m aging.

Now, I could counteract all of this by stepping up my exercise regime and changing out my diet. It would require even more time in the gym. Time that I don’t really have. It’s doable if I set my mind to it – but there’s the rub. At the end of a workday, my mind is done. On top of that with my 40s came the “In-the-grand-scheme-of-things-this-is-low-on-my-priority-list” attitude.

So all that faithful exercise in my 20s and 30s and this is what it has come to. I’m not going to stop exercising but I’m going to have to find other ways to hide the effects of aging. Can you say “botox”?

When is the right time to give up on a dream.

I think one of the characteristics of being in my 40s is I begin to see things more clearly. Or as I like to say, I begin to see the forest from the trees. I see the things that I have labored at and which have produced fruit and I see the things that I still struggle to attain but are always beyond my grasp. So my question is, when is the right time to give up on a dream?

I’ve never been one of those to wait for the “right” circumstances to do something. I didn’t wait until I was married to buy a house. I didn’t wait for a travel companion to go explore the world. I explored Paris, the Louvre and St. Augustine, Florida by myself.  Being single has never stopped me from doing or accomplishing something. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t wished for a partner. I think the only thing I have chosen not to do as a single person is having a child. My hats off to all the single parents out there but that is not a path I want to walk. Raising a child is hard work. Raising a child by yourself is even harder.

So, now that I’m in my 40s I’m thinking maybe its time to just let go of the dream of having a “partner in crime” or having my own family. Wait! Before anyone wants to start spouting their words of wisdom STOP!!!!! This is not a call for encouragement. I don’t need to hear “when you stop looking, he’ll show up,” or “when you are content being by yourself, he’ll show up.” Nor do I want to hear the standard “the grass is always greener on the other side.” These “gems” make it sound like I have spent my adult life waiting and unhappy with my life, which is not true. Plus these words often come from people who have been in a relationship since their 20s and 30s. The only person, who can talk to me about being a never married, single woman in her 40s, is a never married, single woman in her 40s. Regardless, that is not the point of this post.

My point is, when do you look realistically at something and say, it was a dream of my youth but I let it go. I have said that it is in my 40s that I’ve started really choosing where to expend my energy. I’ve ended some friendships and curtailed some hobbies. It sounds harsh but if I don’t see an ROI (return on investment) I’m cutting my losses. Maybe I’ve been in corporate America too long but it’s how I view a lot of things lately.

So, do you think there is ever a right time to give up on a dream? I’m still planning on buying another house one day but instead of kids, I’m thinking a lot of rescue dogs. At least I won’t need to worry about a college fund for them. J What do you think?

If I knew then what I know now

“Youth is wasted on the young” – George Bernard Shaw.

Ain’t that the truth. Now that I’m in my 40s I’ve gained wisdom, or maybe it’s that I’m finally able to slow down enough to process the lessons life has been trying to teach me all these years. Regardless, I can think of a number of things I would do differently. If only I had this wisdom when I had a younger body with more energy. I would have been unstoppable. Actually, I think if I had this wisdom in my 20s and 30s, I would have a younger body and more energy now because I would have fought a lot less battles…OR as African-American composer, lyricist, and pianist of ragtime music, Eubie Blake said, “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.”

Now that I’m in my 40s I’m beginning to see the forest for the trees…that is when I can see and not have to search for my progressive lenses. I’m also good a choosing my battles – mainly because I’m usually too exhausted to care enough about an issue in the first place. However, I’ve also developed that disease that comes with age. It’s called, “I’ll-say-what-I-want-to-say-and-I-don’t-care-a-flip-what-you-think.” My late grandmother had a horrible case of it.

Anyway, what I want to share in this blog are the issues, challenges and changes I face as a 40-something because I’m finding I’m not the only one going through them or facing them. The issues range from a changing body and aging parents to when is it really appropriate to stop shopping at Forever 21. I’ll publicly ask the questions that go through my mind sometimes, like “where are all the people my age in the workplace?” and “why are all my coworkers younger than me?” And finally maybe I’ll be able to answer the question once and for all, “what do I want to be when I grow up.”

So hopefully you’ll join the discussion, chime in your two cents and maybe even volunteer to write a post if you feel strongly about something you face if you’re in your 40s. If you haven’t reached your 40s yet… hang on. And if you’ve passed your 40s already, share the wisdom please.

Mil